|
|
 |
He said "No, I don't want to talk about the relationship again. We have been over this a thousand
times already and if you would just __________, everything would be great."
She said,"But honey we never
seem to connect anymore. You are either always at work or distracted when you are here. Did you call the doctor yet? The kids
hardly know their father and you never help out around the house. More football? When was the last time we had a romantic evening
together? I work too and I still have a fulltime job when I get home taking care of you and the kids. Did you call
your mom? Did you really use the credit card again after we talked about it? I might be more in the mood for sex if you
didn't always expect it at the drop of a hat whether I am interested or not. Why are you always on the computer?
How would you feel if our kids saw the sites you visit? You used to be so ____________ when we first met. Where did that guy
go? I want him back. Do you still love me? Why do you drink so much? I saw you talking all excited to the new neighbor's
cute wife. Are you cheating on me? Who is "just looking 4u2" in you e-mail address book? You're not going
to wear those clothes, are you? Is that a new I-phone? What happened to your new blackberry you got a month ago? This is just
nuts! Would you be willing to attend couples counseling with me if I set up the appointment?"
He said, "Fine,
but I'm telling you it won't work. Counseling is just a bunch of BS for losers and cry babies. My mom and dad never
saw a counselor and they stayed together for 50 years. Why do you always have to make such a big deal out of everything?"
|
|
Sound even remotely familiar? (No, I do
not have listening devices installed in your home!) But you are not alone in what happens in your relationship either. From
recent divorce statistics, we know that similar conversations are going on in at least half of all marriages in America not
to mention non-married couples trying to beat the odds by avoiding traditional marriage altogether. That's the bad news.
The good news is that with motivation, caring, compassion for one another, some education, and wait
for it guys ... "commitment" to change old non-functioning patterns, together, you might be able to turn things
around. I say "might" because there is no guarantee that counseling will work, but statistically you have almost
an iron clad guarantee that the relationship will fail if you do not do something.
|
|
I wish that I could say that I have the one right and true answer that is fool proof and magically
restores all relationships to their finest hour. I'd gladly gift it to the world and drift off somewhere to watch
stars twinkle in the night sky or the ocean wash away sand castles.
I DON'T have the perfect answer!
But in the meantime, as the search continues for methods to enhance the quality of human interactions,
I am hopeful that working with energetic, enthusiastic couples together we can find ways to move towards more joy, peace,
and harmony and away from anger, pain, sadness, loneliness and disappointment. As
we say in 12-step recovery programs, the goal is to move towards progress not perfection. The turtle did win the race as I
recall, and a little progress over time made all the difference in the world on his journey.
more...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
